poem dump

a series of my poems in no particular order! most are recent <3

gifted

my body is the heaviest weight i have ever lifted

as a child my father called me gifted

and as a woman i crawl to my room

thoughts too heavy to stand

i am stuck in a loop

even this pen feels too heavy for my hand

i try clinging to reason

but some things never change with the season

how do i tell you all that my mind is my hell?

that i would rather be anywhere else.

crawling around like a zombie

so in my head, that i’m not in my body

but no matter the weight

i will never stop crawling

i will drag myself to my grave

i’ll never stop going

i wish someone could stop me

//

life of the party

you had this way you’d look at me

like i was all you could see

so how could you blame me?

you were everything to me.

and i know “hurt people hurt people”

but fuck, you have a skewed idea of love

you and your provocative questions

miss life of the party

then calls crying when the night ends

is it abuse if it wasn’t on purpose?

all i know is you fucked me up beyond my comprehension

but the worst part yet is i still crave your validation

how could you? how could you?

suppose i should be glad i don’t understand

hurt people hurt people

but i will never be your equal.

//

guilty, guilty & so sad

guilty, guilty and so sad

you’ll drag me to your grave and claim it made you feel bad, bad

guilty, guilty and so sad

you cry and complain as you bury me in your grave

more than a masochist

you have become pain

pain, it’s bleeding out your guilty, guilty eyes

expect me to put it out every time,

every time you set yourself on fire

say you do, but i know you don’t

expect me to walk away

- beg me to stay

how dare i leave you alight

so sad

guilty, guilty and so sad

go tell ‘em all how i set you on fire

how dare i leave the guilty and the sad

how dare i crawl out of your grave and not feel bad

my apologies,

guilty, guilty and so sad

//

oh, and i love you

everything is temporary

mould grows back, but so do flowers

spring returns

and so did you

oh how grateful i am to start anew

the drought returns, but so does the rain

and what a blip in time that we’re all here today

who would’ve thought we’d be speaking again

everything is temporary

so am i, and so are you

but there is nothing more eternal, and nothing more true

than i love you

//